The only white guy at the poker table
I was sitting at Lucky Chances last night at a $3/$6 Limit hold'em table next to a Hispanic self-claimed combat veteran who chattered constantly. He was obnoxious in every way. He berated other players for losing to him. He antagonized the table by calling for time before he showed his cards, not before any decision, mind you, just before showdown and after all the bets had been called.
When one player had enough of him, he got into a shouting match. Once he called time on a river call decision and forced the floorman to muck his hand.
The amazing thing was he never stopped. My guess was that he was on some sort of stimulant (coke, meth, who knows?) but I could never catch him mention it, nor see any obvious signs. At times I wondered how he breathed with all the air flowing out. He drove at least 3 people I counted to ask the floorman to move them to a different table. One player didn't even play. He just sat down next to him, listened to the patter, and got up without seeing a hand and asked the floorman for a new table, "Stud, Hold'em, or Omaha is fine."
The entire evening he kept saying this was his last hand, he had to go home to his wife to get a massage and a happy ending. From 7 to 9 I listened to this patter about having to go, and then at 9pm his wife called. He told her one more hand then he was leaving.
For the next 45 minutes he continued to play, swearing it was his last hand and explaining to nobody who was listening anymore how he'd been married to this great Russian woman for 20 years, the first 18 of which he was deployed and not at home. I actually found this unbelievable. He missed 18 of the 20 years of his marriage, and now he can't even get home on time?
Finally he got up and left and they sat a 50-ish thin white guy down next to me with sunglasses. Indoors. Playing the lowest limit of poker available. I had decided the tightness of the table and the rake at $3/$6 was getting to me, and I moved to $6/$12. As I got up, the new player with the sunglasses said, "You're leaving? I'm the only white guy left?"
I looked at him and said, "That statement is true in lots of ways. And I'm not white."
What a bunch of jerks.