I’m not quite that old yet…

I turn 39 this month, and I’m clearly behind in all the stuff I have to do before I turn 40.  I only have 12 months to get my act together, buy a Porsche, start dating a 20 year old, and join EST (now called ‘The Forum’) and ‘find myself’.

That’s a lot of ironic quotes for one sentence.  I don’t think I’m really that cynical.  In general, I’m pretty much thrilled with the way things have gone for years now.

As a present for my 39th birthday, the AARP sent me an invitation to join, with a description of all the benefits that accrue to AARP members over the age of 50.  I found that a little premature, though I did note that I may have just hit my midlife.  Assuming I die at 78, I’m sitting right about in the middle of my time on this planet.  Let’s recap my arc so far:

Age 0-10: The world is so frickin’ cool!  Man, I wish I was older so I could go do my own stuff with my own money.  This school stuff is easy.

Age 11-20: The world sucks, my parents suck, divorce sucks, re-marriage sucks, re-divorce sucks, I’m never having kids.  I do, however, appear to have enough money to do my own stuff, since I’m a professional busboy.  Sleep is for wimps.

Age 21-30: The world is so frickin’ cool.  I have it all figured out, just ask me and I’ll tell you the right answer.  I like getting laid, I’m never getting married, and all you capitalists suck.  Oh, pass the beer and blaze one.  I only need one beer, since I’ve given blood plasma twice this week, I’m an easy drunk.

Age 31-40: The world is so frickin’ cool.  Marriage is so frickin’ cool.  Having kids is so frickin’ cool.  Growing a business is so frickin’ cool.  I wish I got more sleep.

Age 41-50: ???????

You are invited to email me or leave a suggestion in the comments for a prediction at what my 40’s are going to be like.  However I think we can easily predict what should be placed on my memorial plaque: "That was so frickin’ cool, I’ll be back again soon."