Sorry guys, my wife’s calling…

Listening to: The sound of a high school PE teacher reaching into his wallet for yet another $100…

411: A poker game (probably legal) in Mount Pleasant.

So my favorite game got busted (I wasn’t there) so I’m hitting some new games that I haven’t been to before. First place I’ve been to in a while was this apartment over in Mount Pleasant. Nice place, nice people. They wanted to play the game they see on TV, but for money.

No problem. It’s called No limit Hold’ em, and unlike TV, you’re playing for real money. On TV you’re probably watching a tournament, where someone says, “I bet $4,000”, but they mean, “I bet $4,000 of fake tournament money, and if I win all this money, I’ll get the first prize, which is a lot less than all the chips I’ll have in front of me.”

I didn’t know these guys from Adam, but I like poker, and I like to see if all the hours played online have resulted in much improvement, so I went.

I sit down, buy-in for $100, parting with one of my precious Casino 100 dollar bills. I like 100’s because when you’ve got $1,000 in your bankroll wallet in 20’s, it starts to get thick and give you a backache when you sit. 100’s are so much smaller.

I watch two guys to my left put down $1 and $2 as blind bets and we go to work. First hand I’m dealt AA. Well that can’t be fucking right. I looked again. Pocket rockets as they call them. Yep, you got it.

This is a weird moment in the game. Most everyone is a stranger, and no baseline has been establish for the table yet. In other words, it’s not clear how much I should be bet to be taken seriously. So I bet $5. I figure this is a nice number to get some callers, eliminate people with junk, and see the flop.

I get a couple of callers and a king on the flop. It’s checked around to me so I bet another $5. I get callers and we see the fourth card.

This is too good. Another card, maybe a straight, but I doubt it. I bet $10. I get callers. Final, fifth card. I bet $15, they all fold.

Great first hand, and now as Dave Chapelle would say, “I’m rich, byatch”.

Second hand, I’m dealt AKo. Anyone reading my face who knew me (like Sarah), would have seen a weird expression cross my face.

What do I do? I bet $5. I get callers.

We see the first three cards (the flop). It’s got a sweet, sweet King and no flush.

I bet $5.

I repeated the same routine and won the pot without having to show my hand.

I’m now the “$5 guy”.

At this point I stopped getting good cards. This is understandable as I’d been drinking from the business end of the statistical firehose in those first two hands. I see nothing for a while and then, when sitting on the button, meaning I’m the last to bet, I get a moderate hand worth $2. I think it was KJo. This hand is nicknamed Kojak. The ‘o’ means the King and the Jack are not of the same suit.

Ahead of me 4 other people are in the pot, so I’m in the pot. Everyone puts in $2, which says nobody is excited about their hand and all need help from the flop. $10 goes into the middle and I deal out the first 3 cards. It’s crap, nobody likes it. I can see my suspicions confirmed as one by one, they all decide to check on the betting, wanting to wait and see another card.

I’ve got nothing, my cards are crap too.

I bet $5. They all fold.


About two hours later I’ve played maybe five more hands and then I finally see an awful awful hand. I’m in the big blind (which means I’m obliged to post a blind $2 bet) and I’ve got 42o. This is a sucky hand. This is the kind of hand you don’t even want to play for free. The last guy on the button calls $2, the small blind, who paid $1 blind, puts in one more dollar, and we see the flop.

3-5-6. Holy shit, I flopped a straight. Nobody will see this coming. The small blind, who’s first to act, checks.

Not only can’t I bet $5 (they know this trick) but I want them to think I’m bluffing. I bet $10. The good player in this hand folds. The small blind calls.

We see the fourth card, I toss in $20, he folds.

About an hour later Sarah calls to see how I’m doing and ask when I’ll be home. I’ve watched several players bust out and reach into their wallets again, and seen that money move around the table. I didn’t get most of it, but I got enough. I cash out with my original $100 and $75 of some other sucker’s money, and head home.

Life is good.